My niece, Candy just turned 13 and she's depressed and has many disorders.
I was the only one she could trust, and she told me that she was raped by Uncle Ryan, who was my brother. I always thought he was normal, with a great personality, but who knew he would do such a thing to his niece!
Candy was so upset that she wouldn't even come out of her room, and she would stay in there mumbling some words that I couldn't interpret.
It was just last week where she told me that she was really scared, and she couldn't sleep, because she was afraid of a monster. I thought it was a little silly at first when she said monster, because she was already 13.
I asked her who the monster was, and all I heard was Ryan.
She told me everything, and only Lord knows how hard my heart tore.
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I didn't know she was diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) until yesterday. I saw Candy come out of her room, and I went to go hug her, but she flinched and began to scream at the top of her lungs as she ran into a corner to cry.
"Please don't touch me again Uncle Ryan" was what she kept on saying over and over again as she held herself.
Imagine how hard my heart and tears fell then.
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I brought her to a therapist because Candy didn't want her parents to know, but she was so scared. Her bright youthful eyes now just flicker left and right as if someone was going to hurt her. They were so cold and lifeless, it hurt me to see my beautiful niece in a stage like this.
After she was done with her sessions with the therapist said she was depressed, has anxiety disorders, hurts herself, puts herself down, and so much more.
All because of my brother and possibly other kids at school.
Society makes me really sick now a days ...
The therapist also told me that Candy was mentally unstable, and she was schizophrenic, meaning she hears these voices in her head. She could suicide any moment.
I just wanna say
Candy, I know you read my blogs, and I want you to know that Auntie Savannah loves you, and you can smile peacefully. We can get Uncle Ryan to leave if you don't feel safe. I love you, and I want to be there with me. Because didn't you say we're best friends that should go to Hawaii together one day? Keep that promise to Auntie, and don't suicide. Mommy and Daddy love you too
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Honestly, I Love The People Who Can See Past Smiles
Recently, I have read a blog post about someone seeing past another's happy smile, and it made me tear up. It reminded me of a friend that I use to have. She smiled everyday and was crazy and was always high on plain life. Everyone loved her, and she was the kindest person alive. But even though it seemed as if she was happy, at home, her dad beats her, her mother left her, her sister gets wasted, and her grades are dropping. It was like her life was tearing down by the second. She never gave hope even though society was on it's way to ruin her.
I just want to say, that I love the people who can see part just smiles, because you never actually know if someone could just be smiling just to get the day over with. So that no one could ever find out what's really happening to them. It really makes me cry, the people who do that. But it means that they don't want to hurt other people, but the most strongest point is admitting pain to another person, so that they can get help. Because, there are people that are willing to listen no matter what! It's honestly not hard to fake smile. But I just wanna say, to the person who made that post that I read: I love you. Though I may not know you, your words on a post could indirectly save a life. It's a truly beautiful thing. It gives people hope that life is really worth it, and you can really smile without worrying if anyone will find out. Eventually, someone will. And you can darn bet that they will help you ! :D
To the inspirational people that help others smile and make then feel welcomed ; you're beautiful and help make world a better place, where we can finally stop society from pushing us to a point where none of us can feel safe letting our feelings out.
Once again, I thank you, and I love you. Remember to really smile yourself (:
I just want to say, that I love the people who can see part just smiles, because you never actually know if someone could just be smiling just to get the day over with. So that no one could ever find out what's really happening to them. It really makes me cry, the people who do that. But it means that they don't want to hurt other people, but the most strongest point is admitting pain to another person, so that they can get help. Because, there are people that are willing to listen no matter what! It's honestly not hard to fake smile. But I just wanna say, to the person who made that post that I read: I love you. Though I may not know you, your words on a post could indirectly save a life. It's a truly beautiful thing. It gives people hope that life is really worth it, and you can really smile without worrying if anyone will find out. Eventually, someone will. And you can darn bet that they will help you ! :D
To the inspirational people that help others smile and make then feel welcomed ; you're beautiful and help make world a better place, where we can finally stop society from pushing us to a point where none of us can feel safe letting our feelings out.
Once again, I thank you, and I love you. Remember to really smile yourself (:
Honestly, Everyone Deserves A Second Chance
Maybe there has been recent break-ups, or divorces, or some simple like fighting with your best friend. At first it seems as if you two would dislike each other for eternity, but after a while, you will get the feeling that you miss them, and want to see them again. Like the fights never happened. Because honestly, in a relationship (love, friendship, family) all that really matters are the feelings.
I remember one time I had a major fight with my boyfriend, Ethan, where we were talking about what colleges we were going to go to. I wanted to go to Berklee, but he wanted to go to smarty Harvard. It was really hard for us, because those 2 colleges were pretty far, and we wanted to see each other. Either I went to Harvard, or he went to Berklee. In the end, we kind of ignored each other for a while, but I really missed him. No, he wasn't my ex at that time. We simply didn't talk, but we still had feelings for each other, well... I did anyways :D
After a while, we began to talk again, and such. But that is not what my post is about. It's really about giving someone the chance to right their wrongs, even though it appears as if that person doesn't deserve a second chance. I can recall a time I felt like that. When my father and mother hated each other, and always told me why I should hate them or why I shouldn't like them when I was just 5. I didn't understand a single thing they ever told me then. But now, I think about it. My mother always told me that my father was bad, and he was hiding another woman somewhere, and my father always told me that my mother was gambling all our money, and she drinks a lot, so I should never listen to her. But, quite frankly, maybe both of my parents did something wrong, which caused a divorce to carry on.
I stayed with my mother for a while, and after a few more years later, when I was 10, my father came back looking for us, saying that he really missed me and my mom. My mother simply pushed him away, and walked off. My heart kind of tore when I saw him crying as he watched us go. Maybe at that moment, he did deserve a second chance. Maybe he really didn't mean to say all those rumors about my mom.
Even though someone may have hurt you very badly, that doesn't mean that it's over. It simply means, a new beginning. Where that person gets a second chance, and they can start everything over again, from day one. To the happy times.
I remember one time I had a major fight with my boyfriend, Ethan, where we were talking about what colleges we were going to go to. I wanted to go to Berklee, but he wanted to go to smarty Harvard. It was really hard for us, because those 2 colleges were pretty far, and we wanted to see each other. Either I went to Harvard, or he went to Berklee. In the end, we kind of ignored each other for a while, but I really missed him. No, he wasn't my ex at that time. We simply didn't talk, but we still had feelings for each other, well... I did anyways :D
After a while, we began to talk again, and such. But that is not what my post is about. It's really about giving someone the chance to right their wrongs, even though it appears as if that person doesn't deserve a second chance. I can recall a time I felt like that. When my father and mother hated each other, and always told me why I should hate them or why I shouldn't like them when I was just 5. I didn't understand a single thing they ever told me then. But now, I think about it. My mother always told me that my father was bad, and he was hiding another woman somewhere, and my father always told me that my mother was gambling all our money, and she drinks a lot, so I should never listen to her. But, quite frankly, maybe both of my parents did something wrong, which caused a divorce to carry on.
I stayed with my mother for a while, and after a few more years later, when I was 10, my father came back looking for us, saying that he really missed me and my mom. My mother simply pushed him away, and walked off. My heart kind of tore when I saw him crying as he watched us go. Maybe at that moment, he did deserve a second chance. Maybe he really didn't mean to say all those rumors about my mom.
Even though someone may have hurt you very badly, that doesn't mean that it's over. It simply means, a new beginning. Where that person gets a second chance, and they can start everything over again, from day one. To the happy times.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Honestly, I Really Want To Make 1,000 Paper Cranes
So there has been a horrible earthquake and tsunami in Japan that caused many people there that lost their precious lives.
I have visited a hospital with some of the victims of the earthquake, and I sung a song for them. As much as I wasn't really a fan of Justin Bieber, I sang "Pray" to them, along with my guitar. I'm hoping that after I sang that, it would have given many people there hope, that Japan will replenish back to it's normal beauty.
I recently heard about some 8th graders in the Beebe School in Malden, MA and along with some other Malden schools, were making paper cranes earn money for Japan. It was $1 for a paper crane they made. If I lived in MA, then I might have wanted to buy all of those made cranes. But, since I can't, I might as well make paper cranes myself. My boyfriend, Ethan, was always a sucker for origami, and I got him to teach me how to make one :D And I'm very happy, because so far, I've made about 306 paper cranes (I actually made Ethan count some for me) (>__<) I hope that until I reach to 1,000 paper cranes, Japan will stand strong and not lose hope.
Dear Japan,
We're all rooting for you! You can do this, because I, Savannah Cimmons, will stand right by your side (mentally) and cheer you one :D
I have visited a hospital with some of the victims of the earthquake, and I sung a song for them. As much as I wasn't really a fan of Justin Bieber, I sang "Pray" to them, along with my guitar. I'm hoping that after I sang that, it would have given many people there hope, that Japan will replenish back to it's normal beauty.
I recently heard about some 8th graders in the Beebe School in Malden, MA and along with some other Malden schools, were making paper cranes earn money for Japan. It was $1 for a paper crane they made. If I lived in MA, then I might have wanted to buy all of those made cranes. But, since I can't, I might as well make paper cranes myself. My boyfriend, Ethan, was always a sucker for origami, and I got him to teach me how to make one :D And I'm very happy, because so far, I've made about 306 paper cranes (I actually made Ethan count some for me) (>__<) I hope that until I reach to 1,000 paper cranes, Japan will stand strong and not lose hope.
Dear Japan,
We're all rooting for you! You can do this, because I, Savannah Cimmons, will stand right by your side (mentally) and cheer you one :D
Honestly, I Have A Depressed and Sucidal Best Friend
If I were to ever lose such a good lovable friend like her, I'd die everyday.
Maybe she doesn't see it, but I love her very much. She was the first person that didn't tease me when I arrived to an actual school (my mother always taught me because school was way to far. I lived in rural areas). She accepted me, and didn't call me a hillbilly even though I never even had an accent or wore clothes like whatever a hillbilly looked like (which I'm sure isn't that bad)
But while we were friends, I always thought of her as a hero as well as a best friend. She always smiled, and laughed and never ever excluded other people. Never in my life have I ever seen her get mad at anyone. She was the nicest person and most beautiful person I've ever met. She accepted people for who they are... well that's what I assumed. A few years back, she has been having at least 1 boyfriend a month, and it's starting to worry me. She use to tell me that being single was the best thing a girl could ever be. But now, I doubt she's listening to herself.
Lately, she's been coming home late (according to her sister and dad). She has been doing poorly in our already few months in college. I'm really scared for her. I feel like I'm useless, that I can't do anything. Yesterday, she showed me her wrists and I saw tiny dots that had a tiny scab in each, and her tired eyes. She told me that she was really depressed and very unhappy, so she hurts herself. I tried to stay strong and not cry, but it was really hard. I hugged her and made her promise not to hurt herself. But it broke my heart when she was silent.
The fact that she was depressed and suicidal made me break down after she left my dorm. I spent that whole night telling her about how much people would miss her. She has told me her problems before, and I remember them all, but I feel like she isn't telling me. I would understand if she wasn't ready to tell me, like maybe family problems and such, but it still hurts. I'm not even going to think about what might happen if she left me here. I'm just wishing and hoping to God that she would halt on her pain and cutting. I don't have much ideas to do. My only idea was to sing and play the song "When She Cries" by Britt Nicole. I wanted her to know that she's loved and everyone would miss her if something happened to her.
I just hope that she'll believe me.
Su, if you ever come across my blog, I love you, and I'm hoping that our friendship can still last, and never end. Because, you deserve to stay living. Please, I hope that you would think that you're worth living.
Please remember to smile, for me?
Maybe she doesn't see it, but I love her very much. She was the first person that didn't tease me when I arrived to an actual school (my mother always taught me because school was way to far. I lived in rural areas). She accepted me, and didn't call me a hillbilly even though I never even had an accent or wore clothes like whatever a hillbilly looked like (which I'm sure isn't that bad)
Lately, she's been coming home late (according to her sister and dad). She has been doing poorly in our already few months in college. I'm really scared for her. I feel like I'm useless, that I can't do anything. Yesterday, she showed me her wrists and I saw tiny dots that had a tiny scab in each, and her tired eyes. She told me that she was really depressed and very unhappy, so she hurts herself. I tried to stay strong and not cry, but it was really hard. I hugged her and made her promise not to hurt herself. But it broke my heart when she was silent.
The fact that she was depressed and suicidal made me break down after she left my dorm. I spent that whole night telling her about how much people would miss her. She has told me her problems before, and I remember them all, but I feel like she isn't telling me. I would understand if she wasn't ready to tell me, like maybe family problems and such, but it still hurts. I'm not even going to think about what might happen if she left me here. I'm just wishing and hoping to God that she would halt on her pain and cutting. I don't have much ideas to do. My only idea was to sing and play the song "When She Cries" by Britt Nicole. I wanted her to know that she's loved and everyone would miss her if something happened to her.
I just hope that she'll believe me.
Su, if you ever come across my blog, I love you, and I'm hoping that our friendship can still last, and never end. Because, you deserve to stay living. Please, I hope that you would think that you're worth living.
Please remember to smile, for me?
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